thus making me awesome and them whores
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
