People in love make me want to vomit
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
