I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
