the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
