Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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