im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
