dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
