I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
