I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
