I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
