i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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