I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
