just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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