We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
