How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I am naked and annoyed.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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