Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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