I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
