Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
drinking out of a sandbucket again
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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