I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
