During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
