bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
