thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
