I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
