You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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