I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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