Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
