Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
