how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
