i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
