I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
