her vagine was all disorganized.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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