You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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