He is such a slut. More and more my type.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
