I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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