I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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