Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
