Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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