there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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