I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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