i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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