so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
