there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
