omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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