My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
