Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
