it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
