I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
