Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
