Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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