after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
