I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
