Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
