go do what you do best...puke behind churches
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
