So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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