My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
