Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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