I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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