I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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