Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
