I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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