do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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