When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
