So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
